


the migratory birds will surely return

by nightfallradiation



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24388114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightfallradiation/pseuds/nightfallradiation
Summary: 2/2, evening: Akechi goes back to Leblanc.“Don’t.” Morgana puts a paw on his foot. He can easily shrug it off, but there’s an insistence to it. So he stays. “I’m going to speak to you now – not as a part of the Phantom Thieves – but as Ren’s friend. Please don’t let things end like it did last time.”
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren
Comments: 5
Kudos: 123





	the migratory birds will surely return

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy spoilers for Persona 5 Royal's new content and the new ending song.

_I must not look back._

Akechi has never thought of himself as sentimental, but he’s able to recognize the feeling of his heart being wrung out as _sentiment_ , and the most dangerous one at that. _Walk away while you still can. It’ll be over in less than twenty-four hours, anyway. Surely you can control yourself for that long._

He aches, for sure, after seeing the look on Ren’s face when he left. But there’s nothing to say and do at this point, when there’s a time limit on his life. _Of course I’ve known it for weeks and kept it a secret the whole time, knowing how badly you would take the news_ , he thinks while trying to block out the horrible expression Ren made. He’s never killed outside of the Metaverse, but he would personally strangle Takuto Maruki with his bare hands and damn him to the furthest reaches of Hell where no light can reach if he could.

Everything would have been better if he had simply disappeared after fighting Maruki. There would be no hesitation, no need for him to hear Ren’s pity. It would be so much simpler. He would go back to being properly dead and eventually, forgotten. _Like the way it would always have been._

But now the situation’s changed and he’s paralyzed. He finds himself unable to go into the darkness of Yongen-Jaya’s backstreets, back to the train station, back to his lonely apartment where he can spend some of the last few hours of his short eighteen years of existence with his thoughts and the dim light of his smartphone. And the paralysis worsens when he hears the quiet, muffled sobs from behind the café door, because he wants to stay, to be the bedrock that Ren can rely on in a time of crisis, except that he knows he’ll make it worse instead.

The last thing he wants is to go back in there and fuck things up with Ren even more than he already had. _As if betraying him didn’t hurt him enough, I managed to hurt him even more. In the end, it all comes down to betrayal and lies again. You should have listened to Futaba, you know? Idiot. Wishing me back to life was a mistake, wasn’t it?_

He doesn’t notice Morgana appearing by the side of his feet until he hears a very quiet voice ask, “Aren’t you going to go inside?”

“What good would that do?” _Stupid cat should know better than suggesting that._ He breathes out a long puff of air, the faint outline barely visible in the ambient light. “I’ll get going now. See you tomorrow.”

“Don’t.” Morgana puts a paw on his foot. He can easily shrug it off, but there’s an insistence to it. So he stays. “I’m going to speak to you now – not as a part of the Phantom Thieves – but as Ren’s friend. Please don’t let things end like it did last time.”

Akechi scoffs. “So what? He can’t save me. There’s nothing that can be done.”

“Give him closure. Spend time with him.” Morgana sighs. “You mean a lot to him - maybe even more than you think.”

 _A place was created for me in this world because he wished for it. There’s only one way to interpret that._ “I don’t know what to do,” he says. He hates feeling vulnerable, especially to a fucking _cat_ that caused his revenge plot to unravel, but he knows to push his pride aside for a moment if it’s Ren, because Ren is his… _rival, friend, partner against the world_.

“You know I can’t help you with that…” Morgana shakes his head. “I’ll head over to Boss’s place and leave the both of you alone. Just don’t let it end like this. Both of you deserve better than that.” With that, Morgana trots away and leaves Akechi there, all alone.

Taking a deep breath, he pushes the door open. Ren’s sitting at one of the counter seats with his face buried in his arms but gets up soon enough at the sound of the door jingle. His eyes are red and puffy, and he wipes the corner of his eyes before saying, “Sorry, we’re closed – oh. Akechi. Did you forget something?”

“No. I’m just here for… coffee. If it’s possible.”

Ren stands up and goes behind the counter, all while still refusing to meet Akechi’s eyes. He takes up his usual spot at the counter, watching Ren go through his usual process until the cup is ready. But there’s nothing normal about their situation – they would make conversation about anything that crosses their minds, if this were just another unremarkable day in their daily lives, but they don’t talk at all tonight.

The silence is much too heavy to bear, but Akechi doesn’t know how to break it and he suspects that neither does Ren. The coffee is as good as usual, if slightly hard to swallow because it’s the last time he’ll ever drink it. He thanks Ren, but unlike his usual response of a thanks and a slightly shy smile, all he gets is a small nod while his back is turned away.

“Do you want to talk?” he finally asks Ren, who’s still purposely avoiding him by washing the dishes at a glacial pace.

“Do we have anything to discuss?” His voice is small and tired.

Akechi looks down and stares into his coffee mug, as though trying to divine an answer from the steaming liquid. “Are you okay?” It’s a simple question, but it’s what he needs to know.

“I’m fine… don’t worry.”

It’s so transparently a lie that Akechi sighs. He leaves his seat and walks up to Ren, who’s standing in the kitchen with his shoulders shaking. “Ren,” he murmurs, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Just tell me.”

At first, Ren doesn’t say anything. He shrugs off Akechi’s hand on his shoulder, which Akechi knows well enough about situations like these to take it as a tacit rejection - until Ren grabs him, sobbing into his shoulder. “This… this world, that’s what’s wrong. And you saying that your _life_ is a trivial matter, I… I can’t deal with that! You _idiot_ , did you never think about how you’re precious to those who care about you, like me?”

Akechi’s seen the multitude of emotions that Ren can express despite his usual calm demeanor - happiness, anger, disappointment, worry, to name a few he’s been on the receiving end of - but never this, pitch-black sorrow. “It is trivial in the grand scheme of things,” he says after a moment of silence.

“Fuck the grand scheme of things!” Ren yells as angry tears spill from his eyes. “It isn’t trivial _to me_ , and neither should it be to you! Fuck off with your high-and-mighty bullshit when you know that’s not what I’m talking about!”

 _It isn’t trivial to_ him. For once, Akechi looks stricken. The weight of his careless words finally hit home. “I’m sorry. It’s…” _my own issues with love, in terms of caring about others and being cared for_ , he wants to say, but can’t. He hugs Ren while stroking his back - just like how his mother used to console him. “I didn’t want you to give in to Maruki, but…” _I managed to mangle that as well._

“All I wanted was to see you again.” He looks at Akechi straight into his eyes, while tears still flow freely down his cheeks. Despite blinking them away, they don’t stop. “You were my wish, and I…”

_Don’t look at me like that while saying those words. If you’re going to plead with me to stay, then you really need to shut up -_

Before Ren can continue, Akechi stops him with a kiss and a tender cusp of his cheek. Ren’s lips are wet and trembling while his spectacles are getting in the way, and despite the situation all Akechi can think about is how their first kiss is nothing at all like he imagined it playing out. It’s a mess, frankly speaking, and the circumstances are far from ideal.

In another world - one where they were given more time with each other, where perhaps they met a few years earlier - maybe he’d steal lingering glances that lasted a little too long, brushed fingers when out together a little too often, and finally go in for a kiss across the counter when he’s stayed far too long after Leblanc’s closing hours. It’s entirely unrealistic, of course, but it makes him feel better than the false happiness Maruki’s imposing on him. He knows that the daydreams of his are equally made up of falsehoods, but it’s _his_ to keep in his own heart.

But when Ren breaks the kiss, he’s not crying - his expression is that of shock as his cheeks rapidly turn scarlet. “I… Um. Did you just kiss me?”

“What else could it have been?” Akechi answers irately.

“If this is somehow another manipulation on Maruki’s end, I’ll…” He punctuates the sentence by clenching his fists tightly.

“Idiot.” He’s a little offended by Ren’s words, but he lets it slide. “I didn’t do it out of obligation or pity or some madman’s tinkering with my brain.”

“That’s, um, great,” Ren says, stumbling over his words and losing all traces of his ferocity. Blushing furiously, he takes off his spectacles, leaves it on a shelf and returns for a proper kiss, intense enough to drive all thoughts out of Akechi’s mind, which isn’t something he’s ever experienced before.

 _Calm down_ , Akechi tells himself. His heart is racing, and he can’t stop thinking about how Ren kissed him, acting embarrassingly enough like a young teenager. But he’s also never thought that he’d ever have his feelings reciprocated, so he supposes that the mortification was inevitable.

“I love you,” Ren says. He’s starting to sniffle again, so Akechi hugs him once more. “Thank you. For all that you’ve done. And you’re precious to me, more than anyone else. So please, I just want you to know… it wasn’t an easy decision in the moment.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “And I didn’t do much to help.”

Shaking his head, Ren says, “No. You’ve always been there for me when I needed you, like tonight. And I’ll always be grateful for that.”

“Ren…” _You give me too much credit_. “I… hold you in high regard as well. And I trust you to do the right thing.”

“The right thing…” he echoes, looking forlorn. “I know it’s what we must do, but it still hurts so much.”

There’s a sharp sting in Akechi’s heart at Ren’s words. He’s never loved or been loved like this. It’s unknown territory to him. “I… I understand that it hurts,” he says slowly. “But it’s the only way. Knowing you, I don’t think being controlled by someone else would please you, either.”

“But it’s different when your life is on the line. You’re very important to me.” He steps back and takes Akechi’s hands in his. “I was hoping to have more time with you until I leave Tokyo… but I guess that’s never going to happen now, huh?”

“Then, until tomorrow, let’s make the best of it.”

Ren’s shy but hopeful. “So... you’ll stay the night?”

“Yes,” he answers without a second thought, and subsequently feels self-conscious at how eager he sounds. To play it off, he kisses Ren again with parted lips, leaving all his inhibitions behind to render him undone and completely red in the face. It’s a delight to see him like this, and to know that he’s the only one who gets to see this side of Ren makes the latent possessive streak in him awaken with a fury.

“Um. Do you want to head upstairs now?” he asks, speaking faster and more awkwardly than usual. “You know what, just - just head up first. I’ll need to close the store. Yeah.” With that, he darts past Akechi without warning, but he manages to catch a slight glimpse of the red tips of Ren’s ears.

“Don’t keep me waiting for too long,” Akechi says with a smirk.

*

Ren’s attic hasn’t changed much since the last time he’s been there, but there’s a lot more trinkets on the shelves and even a bunch of star-shaped stickers on the ceiling. _Seems like he’s been decorating his room these past few months. I wonder if the stickers glow in the dark._ He switches the gas-fueled heater on and begins shedding his layers, folding and stacking them on a chair until all he’s left with is his shirt and trousers. And once that’s done, he sits on the edge of Ren’s sofa with a measure of nervousness, waiting for him.

The seconds tick by at a glacial pace. But soon, the lights from below go dark and he hears Ren’s loud footsteps ascending the staircase. “You kept me waiting,” Akechi says by way of greeting at the first sight of Ren.

Ren grins unrepentantly at him and takes his place by his side on the sofa, placing his hand on top of Akechi’s. Ren rests his head on Akechi’s shoulder and says, “I never expected to end up like this with you. You kept rebuffing me when I asked you to spend time with me the last few weeks.” He twines their fingers together and squeezes Akechi’s hand. “I missed hanging out with you, so I felt pretty hurt by that. Sometimes I’d wonder if you even thought of me as a friend in the first place.”

“I was trying to distance myself from you as much as I could bear,” he says. _Not that I could turn you down whenever you invited me to the jazz bar._ It’s only fair that Ren gets to hear the truth. “I was hoping you would begin to think I truly didn’t care for you so that you wouldn’t hurt as much.”

“Akechi. You know that’s a horrible plan. I would have hurt either way.”

A rueful look appears on Akechi’s face. “I should have remembered that out of everything you could have wanted, you wished me back to life.”

“...so you even managed to figure out that you were my wish? Was I that obvious?”

“I guessed.” There were a few incidents that were inconclusive when taken individually but told a clearer story when put together. “It was only a suspicion at first, but… you were telling me how relieved you were when you saw me again that one time at the jazz bar, and it clicked when I saw the look on your face.”

“You really are amazing,” Ren says. He doesn’t even need to look at him to know that he’s smiling. “I’ll always think of myself as the luckiest person ever to have this with you.”

He pushes Ren’s messy hair off his face and kisses his forehead. “Likewise.” The sheer sentimentality of the moment is causing his face to burn with heat, especially with how open Ren’s being with his feelings. _He deserves openness, at the very least._ “I… Ren, I’m not good at this, but… I just want to tell you that...” But the words just can’t form, despite his efforts.

“Just spit it out already. The clock’s ticking.” Ren’s giggling at his expense and not even bothering to hide it. Under his breath, but still loud enough for Akechi to hear, he says, “You _tsundere_.”

“I’m not - ugh.” Ren’s being annoying with his teasing. But he’s also finding out that he likes the way Ren’s laughing now, carefree and loving, so it’s not all that bad - not that he would admit to it. “I love you, Ren. Happy?”

Ren moves in for a chaste kiss. His lips seem to be permanently curved in a wide, dazzling smile. “Of course,” he says. Unbidden, tears well in his eyes again, reflecting the room’s lights as tiny stars. “I love you. I really do. There’s nothing more I want than you.”

“I think we established that earlier on, didn’t we?”

Ren elbows him in the ribs. “Let me have my moment here,” he says, but there’s no heat in his tone. “Anyway, the night’s only going to get colder from here on out, so should we move to my bed? It’s warmer there.”

Nodding, he gets up and sits a little too primly on the side of his bed while waiting for Ren to put away his jacket. _Is there some sort of etiquette to these kinds of things that I should have somehow picked up in my younger years?_ It’s awkward - he has no idea how to behave, where to put his hands and legs, what the dos and don’ts are.

When Ren turns to look at him, he can see his barely suppressed laughter. “You don’t need to look like you’re in attendance at an opera. Just sprawl on the bed. I don’t mind at all.”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” he says huffily. “Not even a sleepover with friends as a kid.” Taking Ren’s words at face value, he lies down - the pillow is fluffy, and the mattress is also unexpectedly firm. He’s always thought that it would be less inviting from the way it looks, but it’s so comfortable that he’s feeling a little drowsy.

Soon Ren joins him on the bed, lying by his side. Their faces are barely apart - he can see every single eyelash on Ren’s face. “You seem to be liking it a lot.”

“Yeah, well,” he yawns. “It’s not-”

But the sentence is left hanging as Ren steals the words away with a heavy kiss. It’s different from before, with a stronger edge that Ren didn’t let him see previously - he’s pressed into the bed by the weight of Ren’s body, and his chin is caught in Ren’s forceful grip. This side of Ren is dangerous for him, because he likes seeing him lose his inhibitions a little too much. _All of this may or may not be going straight to my dick._

“Did you think this was going to go a lot slower?” Ren asks in an innocent voice. “I don’t plan on letting you fall asleep so soon.”

“Definitely not,” he retorts. Akechi absolutely resents how breathless he sounds - it’s just one kiss, which was admittedly a very good one that hit just the right weaknesses he had, but one kiss nonetheless.

“Mm, well… I can see you’re enjoying this, at least.” And there’s that mischievous smirk that he always has as Joker making an appearance outside of the Metaverse. It’s a little strange, but Akechi’s suddenly come to the realization that this is how Shadows must feel when he and Ren come for them, minus the low-grade arousal, probably.

Despite his time as a detective being largely a sham, Akechi’s still able to deduce some things about Ren while they make out: firstly, he’s been working out based on how toned his body is; next, for a boy of few words, his tongue is one of his best assets; and finally, he’s a master at the art of multitasking, as the buttons on his shirt are all undone before he realizes it.

When they finally take a much-needed breather, Ren’s hair is even more of a mess than usual, which Akechi takes full credit for, but he’s also aware that he’s disheveled as well. Ren helps him with getting rid of his shirt, in no fit state to be worn at this point with sweat and crumples all over. Although he’d prefer it if it wasn’t flung to the floor like a piece of garbage, he’s in no mood to pick it up and fold it. Especially not when Ren’s openly checking him out and unconsciously licking his lips, like a big cat looking at its next meal.

“You’ve seen me naked before,” he says, averting Ren’s roaming eyes in case he spontaneously combusts under his laser-sharp gaze. “What’s there to look?”

“I couldn’t stare at you the last time without being rude or downright indecent,” Ren sighs with hyperbolic regret. “But now that I have you in my own room, it’s entirely different. And there’s this, of course.” To make his point, he cups the obvious bulge at his crotch and massages it. The sensation is nothing like when he uses his own hands instead - it’s infinitely better. He doesn’t dignify Ren with a moan, although he comes very close to it - their relationship was built on competition, and he won’t give Ren the spoils of victory unless he earns it.

But he still definitely _reacted_ somehow, because it doesn’t take any supernatural power to see how Ren’s now radiating smugness from every inch of his skin. Akechi growls and attempts to kiss away the smirk, but it backfires when Ren decides to one-up him by grinding against him, and that’s when Akechi discovers that Ren’s rock hard, and insanely hot in more ways than one. With that, his resolve crumbles; he calls out Ren’s name in a breathy voice.

Ren’s breath hitches. “Hot,” he whispers into Akechi’s ear, followed by a groan. _He’s doing his best to provoke me._ “Do that more.”

“Work for it.”

The words are like a spark to fuel for Ren, who immediately undoes his belt and tugs down his pants and boxers with terrifying speed and accuracy, but he supposes that it’s a part of the skills he gained from being good at thievery. And the moment Ren begins to jerk him off, he covers his mouth with his hand reflexively because it’s absolutely mindblowing, even if it’s just a handjob, but a few traitorous whines still escape. His face is burning from embarrassment. _Let me keep some of my dignity, please._

Unfortunately, Ren isn’t too amused. His lips curve downwards into a frown, and his hand leaves Akechi. “You agreed to let me hear more of your voice. Let’s play this fairly.”

“F-fine. Sorry.” Akechi places his hand on the bed instead. With a bright smile of approval, Ren resumes his strokes. It’s even worse this time with excessive praise flowing from Ren’s mouth on matters like the _sounds_ he’s making, or the way he’s blushing, or –

 _This is too much,_ he thinks as Ren comments, once again, on how honest Akechi’s body can be. So he quickly interrupts him to ask, “Before we go any further... Do you even have any condoms or lube?” To make sure he’s listened to, he appends a low “Ren” afterwards.

“I don’t have condoms, but I do have some lotion stashed away,” he says. “Is that fine? I guess we won’t be able to –”

“It’s all right. And as for the condoms… I can get them from a convenience store after this. Because there’s still until tomorrow morning, no?”

Ren does that laugh-sob thing that he’s been doing before and rubs his eyes a little. “Tomorrow morning,” he says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. In fact, it looks too sad to be a smile. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“...Let’s get back on track and focus on us now,” Akechi says. He’s aware that if Ren starts full-on crying now, it’s possible that he won’t stop. _You deserve a happy memory, at the very least_.

Ren goes to his cluttered shelves and scrounges around for a bit until he finds a nondescript bottle, which looks about two-thirds full. _Must be what he’s been using to masturbate with. I’m curious as to what he thinks about when he does, but… I guess it’s not really necessary to ask at this point._ “Thinking about me a lot?” he asks slyly.

“Some of the things you do are absolutely unbearable. Take some responsibility.” Ren squeezes a generous quantity onto his palm and rubs his hands together. It’s hypnotic, watching the way his hands slide smoothly against the other, as some of the thick liquid slides down his arm. He’s commanding Akechi to be seduced, and Akechi is well aware of the fact he will be. It’s a foregone conclusion.

But instead of putting his hands where Akechi _needs_ it to be, Ren unbuckles his belt first and pulls down his pants, the motions of which Akechi watches with a keen eye. He gives himself a long stroke, slow enough to definitely be a show, and says, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you soon. You look like you’re desperate to be touched.”

“Shut your mouth and actually do it,” he snarls. It’s true that he’s aching and leaking and that he really needs Ren’s hand on his dick right about now, but Ren’s pissing him off with the smug grin he’s wearing. “Or are you all talk and no action?”

“I’m a man of my word,” Ren says. “But do beg more. I like it a lot.”

“I did not _beg._ ”

He cocks his head to the side with an innocent expression. “But you’re so eager and desperate for my hand.”

“Ngh - I am _not_ –” he says indignantly, but Ren makes good on his words. There’s finally some damned friction and heat, and it’s thanks to Ren’s dick frotting against his while his hand jerks them both off at the same time. It feels so fucking good that he moans Ren’s name, a broken and half-formed sound that wasn’t supposed to leave his body.

But rather than tease him with a snarky comment, Ren’s eyes shut tight, and he says in a barely controlled voice, “...oh fuck, Akechi, I’m close.” His movements grow erratic and uncoordinated, as though his brain just melted in the moment.

Akechi swats his hand away and takes both of them into his hand instead. It’s smoother than he expected, mostly thanks to the copious amount of lotion that Ren applied, and also intensely stimulating in multiple ways to learn the curvature and heat of Ren’s dick, as well as to know how it feels when Ren _throbs_ at his touch.

It’s no surprise that they come simultaneously, spilling all over Akechi’s chest. The pleasurable haze of orgasm excises all thought from his mind, leaving him blissed out and in a strange, floaty happiness. It’s nothing like when he comes alone at all, and from the way Ren’s given out and lying beside him with a sappy smile, he isn’t the only one affected.

“Not bad for our first time,” Ren says. He follows up in a softer, more self-conscious voice, “...it was also mine, actually.”

“Same here.” Akechi hooks an arm around Ren, keeping him close. He wants to listen to Ren’s shallow breaths, to feel his chest move with every inhale and exhale.

“Really? You’re so popular. I thought you would have a whole string of broken hearts following you by now.” Ren snickers. “But I definitely prefer it this way. No one can dethrone me from your list of lays.”

 _That would be logistically impossible,_ he nearly says.“And you have the honor of taking the virginity of a minor TV celebrity.”

“That makes me sound like a manwhore. I’d prefer a title more like so: _took the virginity of my first love who is the hottest man that he’s ever seen and also happens to be a celebrity with tons of fawning admirers all over Japan_ , thank you.”

He blushes at the compliment and looks away awkwardly. “How does that make you sound like less of a manwhore than what I said?”

“Because it emphasizes that you’re my first love,” Ren says. He follows up in a smaller voice, “And you’ll always be. No matter what.”

They fall into silence with that, because there’s nothing more to add that will help. Akechi knows he can’t expect Ren to forget about his imminent return-to-death. _Some trail of broken hearts I have, when the only one I’m leaving behind doesn’t deserve it._ Or maybe the broken heart is his to bear, because he’s finally with the boy that taught him what love is, and it’s all going to be lost so soon. But the truth is that they both will hurt from this in equal but opposite ways.

Fate has a way with fucking his life up, and apparently, it’s going to be from his birth to death. He supposes that it’s just his luck.

*

Apparently Yongen-Jaya gets freezing cold at 1am, which is when Akechi regrets not wearing his usual coat out. His shirt and pants were soaked in sweat, so he’s forced to borrow some of Ren’s clothes. But out of the clean ones available, only the tracksuit seemed to offer any form of protection against the cold and it’s doing a downright horrible job at it. _Am I really risking frostbite just to go to a goddamn convenience store?_

“You said your tracksuit would be warm,” he says icily. It’s only been a few seconds since he’s stepped out of Leblanc, but he’s already shivering. “I’m freezing my ass off here. Where the hell is the Triple 7?”

“It _is_ warmer than whatever else I had, like you said. And to be fair, you chose not to wear your coat because then you’ll ‘look like a buffoon with zero sense of coordination’.” Ren makes air quotes to emphasize his point. Unlike Akechi, he’s warm and wearing his only winter coat - the gray one that billows around in the wind like his Metaverse outfit. “And I’m not going to take responsibility for the consequences of your vanity. But if your hands are cold, I can hold them for you.”

“...idiot.” He lets that absolutely terrible line slide and links his fingers with Ren’s as they walk under the dim streetlights on the empty path. It’s not all that bad - Ren’s hand is warm in his, and he squeezes a little tighter whenever he laughs.

They only unlink once they’re at the convenience store, where it’s nice and toasty inside. The upside of late-night shopping is that no other customers are there, and so they don’t need to be too furtive at the shelf of condoms. It takes a while to make a decision - they’re both inexperienced and have no idea when confronted with the range of options available - but they settle on the thinnest one, even if it’s a bit pricier than the others. ( _“If we’re only going to do this once, it better be good.”_ ) Ren also buys some snacks and ice cream to go along, so they end up with a bag of food too.

On the way back, it starts to snow a little. Ren tries to catch a snowflake on the tip of his tongue and fails miserably. Akechi thinks he’s being embarrassing, and so he ends up stopping Ren by shoving him against a wall and making out with him. But he does it mostly because he can.

Back at Leblanc, Ren opens up the table in his room and empties the bag. He passes one of the ice cream bars to Akechi - _milk tea with tapioca pearls_ flavor according to its packaging. “It’s for you,” he says. “I know you like the drink a lot, so I thought you would like this.”

He thanks Ren and unwraps it. While the taste is inferior to actually drinking a cup of bubble tea, it’s still a good substitute. Ren’s also having ice cream, and from the smell, he knows that it’s coffee and caramel flavored. “Don’t you drink enough coffee at home?” he asks.

“I can’t get sick of the taste,” he says, and proceeds to lick the bar from bottom to the top, followed by sucking on the top with puckered lips. Akechi’s eyes narrow. _So that’s what he was aiming for._ “Yes, this is good. And don’t look at me like that, pervert.”

“Excuse me?” _If that’s how he wants to play, then I’ll give him something to watch as well._ He shoves about half of the bar into his mouth and swallows before pulling it out slowly. Ren’s eyes are transfixed on his lips, and Akechi even catches his face growing red. “I thought you bought this to be nice to your boyfriend without any ulterior motive.”

Out of the whole sentence, Ren seems to have only heard a single word. “B-boyfriend…”

Perplexed by his reaction, Akechi asks, “Am I not?”

He stumbles over his words for a bit, before composing himself and saying, “I mean, yes, but it just didn’t really register in me as such. We _are_ dating now.” He chuckles with a faint hint of melancholy. “Also, I promise I didn’t buy it with any agenda in mind. I really just wanted to get you something.”

“...have it your way.” Akechi says. He’s not going to complain - the ice cream is good, and Ren seems to be honest. _Still not going to discount the influence of his subconscious mind._

But he continues eating the ice cream in the least subtle way possible, with lots of exaggerated licking and sucking, because he likes the way Ren looks at him when he does that. Ren doubles down on his effort as well as though it’s some sort of bizarre competition, and it’s barely two seconds after he’s done with the last traces of ice cream that Ren climbs onto his lap and crushes their lips together. Akechi tastes the coffee on him and thinks, _it’s your flavor, all right._

*

“Touch me now, Ren,” Akechi snarls with an implied _or else_. His patience is like a string pulled taut, bound to break at any second. As much pleasure as he gets from Ren’s cock buried inside him, stimulating his prostate with every little movement, it’s not enough. He’s already so close, and so is Ren if his completely flushed face and diminishing vocabulary are anything to go by, and he needs just a little more.

“Not yet.” He shakes his head. “You’ll have to wait a bit more. Just a bit.” Ren still looks determined to hold out until he’s at his absolute limit. He fucks Akechi with a renewed vigor, and it’s so good that he feels a little lightheaded, but also even more frustrated.

Akechi tries to take the matter into his own hands, but Ren pins his arms to the side of his body. “I know you’re close, but so am I. Let’s come together, okay?”

He absolutely hates how weak he is for Ren’s pleading voice, which is somehow both meek and intensely persuasive, so he nods and waits. Soon, when Ren’s reached the point where he’s visibly trying his hardest to delay his orgasm, he finally gives Akechi what he needs and it’s divine. He comes with a greater intensity than before, shouting Ren’s name as he goes over the edge.

When he’s regained his senses, he notices that Ren’s also already came, collapsed on top of Akechi’s body. He’s entirely motionless save for his breathing. The warmth of his body, like a human-sized hot water bottle, is comforting. He hugs Ren tightly and privately smiles, enjoying the intimate moment.

“Sorry for teasing you so much,” Ren says. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“Yeah, well, that’s…” Akechi doesn’t know how to phrase the sentiment of _I like it when you tease me_ without damaging his pride, so he stops there and changes the subject. “Anyway, don’t you think it’s time to pull out?”

“Right,” he says a little embarrassedly. It’s rather uncomfortable, but he manages, and ties a knot on the used condom before throwing it in a waste basket.

“You’re going to have to get rid of that properly if you don’t want your friends asking you why it’s there.” He can already imagine the horror on the faces of the Phantom Thieves if they found out their leader was busy getting laid right before such an important day.

“Mmm… stop being reasonable,” Ren yawns. “I’ll deal with it later… let me cuddle you to sleep.” And with that, he pulls the quilt over them, nestles his face into Akechi’s chest and begins sleeping.

“Wha – you idiot,” he says, but Ren doesn’t hear him.

Instead of sleeping, he wipes himself off with a stray shirt strewn on the bed and then lies wide awake, thinking about Ren while looking at him. The moonlight shining through the window falls over the side of Ren’s face, giving him a soft glow. _I want to keep this,_ Akechi thinks, trying to commit the view before his eyes into his memory even though he knows it’ll be in vain - what use are memories if you’re going to die, anyway? The sight fills him with complex feelings - a simple happiness, but also a selfish, jealous desire to be the only one in the world to ever see this side of Ren, and sorrow that this is the first and last time he’ll ever have this moment.

 _Tomorrow and all the days after… when this is all over, I hope you don’t think of me too much._ Ren is strong of heart, but even so - he doesn’t want him to hurt like tonight ever again. _I’m too selfish to ask you to forget me entirely. But when you do remember me… think of the real me, the one who you only got to see._

He remembers the last time he spoke to Ren in the engine room of Shido’s Palace, about how Ren desperately told him _I’ll hold on to your glove._ He also remembers chiding Ren about making promises he can’t keep when Ren offered to think about betraying his friends for him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep our promise,” he whispers “So don’t lose to anyone else when I’m gone. I love you.” His voice breaks on the last words.

Thankfully, Ren doesn’t stir. And having said his piece, Akechi decides to shut his eyes and join Ren in sleep as well. After all, the battlefield awaits and he’s making sure, no matter what, that he’ll snatch the victory.

At some point in the night, Akechi’s startled awake by the sensation of being constricted, as though trapped by the coil of a snake. But it’s actually just Ren around him, gripping him like an eager starfish with his arms and legs. He isn’t averse to having Ren draped around him, but it’s past the point of being uncomfortable. At first, he attempts to gently extricate himself from Ren, but it produces the opposite effect - Ren increases the strength of his grip instead and whispers sadly, _don’t go._

He nudges Ren out of the way and notices that Ren’s cheeks are wet with tears. _I was hoping that he could escape thinking about it in his sleep, but apparently not._ He shakes Ren awake while repeating, “I’m here. Don’t worry.”

“I… what? Akechi…” he says upon waking. “Did I do something strange?”

He frowns. “You want to talk about it?”

“From the look on your face, I think you know.” He rubs his eyes with his free hand. “It’s all right. Just a bad dream…”

Akechi presses the matter. “I think you’ll feel better if you talk about it.”

“I mean… what’s there left to say that you don’t already know by now?” He shakes his head. “I’m just sad. I’ll never have this again… spending the night with you, going on impulsive midnight outings and waking up to your voice. Having you has made me greedy for more. I want a life with you. I want to wake you up with coffee and spend our nights in bed together. I want you.”

“You think we could have that even if I lived?”

“Maybe.” Ren’s smile is brittle like cracked glass. “What I want with you… It’s not that different even if our relationship remained platonic. I still want to take you to my hometown and cycle through the forest road together and talk about whatever crosses our minds while we’re up on the hill and looking at the scenery of the town. We’d race each other back to my house and I’d make dinner for you. It’d be nice.”

He’s never been to Ren’s hometown before, and he doesn’t even know what the place looks like, but he can still see the vivid images Ren spun with his words. _A road cutting through a dense forest, with Ren keeping pace with me by my side, as we aim for the top of the hill together. He’s laughing, carefree, and just slightly pink in the face from exertion. And I’m smiling at him as well._

“But, since we’re together… At night, when my parents are already asleep and we’re in my room, I’ll invite you to sleep with me in the same futon. We’ll have to be quiet about it, but therein lies the fun, or something like that.” When Akechi looks at Ren, he sees that his eyes are closed, but tears are still falling. “I’ll send you off at the train station when you leave, but I promise to visit you in Tokyo before you go. And in between those times, I’ll call you every day just to hear your voice.”

Akechi doesn’t say a word, letting Ren have his moment. Because it’s obviously important to Ren _,_ and it’s the only time he can put his thoughts to words before it’s too late. He laces their fingers together and leans on Ren, closing his eyes, and listens to him.

The more he talks about the hypothetical future that doesn’t exist - the one where they’re living a mundane life together - the more Ren cries, but they’re no longer tears of sorrow. And Akechi lets himself indulge in the selfish fantasy, as well, dreaming of the world that Ren wants to create with him. _If only I could be there to build it with you._

When he’s finally done, they sit in a comfortable silence together for a long while, body pressed against body, watching the first rays of sunlight light up the sky through the window. A flock of birds fly from the roof a nearby building to somewhere out of sight. Ren, who’s been following their path through the sky, says after they’re gone, “...you know, I don’t entirely believe that we’ll never meet again. We made a promise, remember?” He cracks a small smile.

“But…” Akechi brings his knees closer to his chest. _Even if we did, I’m still..._

“Stranger things have happened.” The look in Ren’s eyes are lit with conviction. “So you shouldn’t give up on our promise.”

Akechi’s eyes widen a little. _Did he hear me last night…?_ But it doesn’t matter much anymore, not when somehow, he starts to understand what Ren’s getting at. _He’s always been able to do what I thought was impossible. Maybe, just maybe..._

“You fool,” he says quietly. But he dreams, too - of a future they carve for themselves, where he’s with Ren in his hometown and on top of the hill, where Ren’s by his side and their hands are intertwined - and smiles softly. Despite everything, the part of his heart that still clings on to hope tells him: _sometime, someday, we’ll meet again._ And for once, he believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> So I got dragged back into deep Persona hell all thanks to P5R, especially the third semester and Goro Akechi. This fic is essentially "the events of Our Light but told from Akechi's perspective", so it's nothing but self-indulgence. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it!


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